abstinence, relapse

First blog post

“She said she would, so she did.”
~ random girl I follow on instagram.  

The relevance of this ‘profound’ quote – I said I would write a blog so here I am.  I am writing because;
a.) it will give me something to do instead of drinking and eating
b.) it will keep me accountable
c.) I am a millennial and therefore a narcissist.

I saw a great meme the other day – two millennials go to a shop, one says ‘twenty thousand in avocado toasts please’, the other smugly says, ‘1 house please’.  OK, it’s probably not that funny in text.

Bad niche jokes aside, I’m writing because I need to save my life.  I will literally eat and drink myself to death if I don’t change.  I’m doing AA, OA and therapy, but this change is so enormous I need all the tools I can get.  If blogging every night helps me stay clean and sober, so be it!

I’ve been flirting with OA for a month or so now, and having trouble sticking to a food plan.  First I tried 3-0-1 (three meals a day, nothing in between, one day at a time) with specifically planned and measured foods.  Didn’t work.  Then I tried eating intuitively, without sugar and processed foods.  Worked great!  For 5 days. Then I binged, big style.  Now I’m coming off the back of a 3 day sugar fest and unsure about what my food plan should be.  On one hand I can’t stand a restrictive food plan.  On the other I know I can’t trust myself to make good choices all the time.  So perhaps freedom would come from a set food plan.

What I would love to do is just eat the same thing all the time.  For every meal, every day, so I don’t even have to think about it.  Much like I’ve stopped drinking alcohol, I want to stop using food cold turkey.

Many ponderings.  For now, I’ll just eat what I want this evening, which will probably be toast with peanut butter and porridge with jam.  Carb city.  Tomorrow is a new day, diet mentality, this is my last binge, yadda yadda yadda.

Goodnight x




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