I have just taken these steps again with my sponsor, this time while abstinent. She recommended working the steps when not in a food-fog, advice which I failed to heed the first time around last week.
My Step 5 was a lot shorter this time around (5 resentments and 3 fears added) and I must say, I do feel closer to being ‘at perfect peace and ease’ this time around. Not bingeing makes my head less chaotic and my problems seem smaller. I feel that my relapse served a purpose, to bring me to re-do the Steps while not abusing food.
An interesting new theme emerged in my fears – not trusting my ability to keep myself safe. I have a history of putting myself in unsafe situations without feeling much fear or caring very much. It’s healthy to fear unsafe situations! I feel that this is great progress because it takes me towards taking better care of myself, and taking responsibility too.
With love x